Monday, August 31, 2009

Saw my GP today. It was good to talk to her. she listens. she gave me some psych. names and changed my prozac that wasnt working at all. I hope that helps with the sadness. and she said I need to look at this as manageable just like many other diseases. Its so good to have someone actually hear you. I know she felt bad for me but she's trying all she can to help. Sleep being the biggest problem. I know what I am saying disturbs some people but I need to say things, so if it upsets you please dont read this. I know this is hard on you too. I off to bed to try and rest my neck seems like I spend a lot of time in bed now. I hope this Botox kicks in soon this is day 6...
Posted by at

1 comment:

  1. KekeSeptember 1, 2009 at 10:05 AM

    Wake up little queen...day six, neck stretches, don't want to I know, slow, snails pace, stretch a little left, a little right, a little back, chin to the chest...botox, the magic tonic requires something of us too...reach for the stars as far as you can stretch with your left arm, now the right, bend and reach for your toes...my melancholy has subsided today, you didn't jump off to share, it's ok, I'll share with you...mine was brought on my my annual performance evaluation, and the fact that I indeed had accomplished more this year than any other in spite of CD and my manager decided this year I wasn't as valuable as last. Too keep it short, she has spent a year making fun of my symptoms, the fact that over the winter, before the magic tonic my neck was completely twisted left, while my doc's couldn't believe I continued to work, she continued laughing and poking fun of my appearance in staff meetings, etc...humiliated, I still forged on, what choice would I have? During the reveiw, she chastized me for my not getting to work until 9 ish sometimes 9:15 ish...you see, she is one of these image driven, ego maniacs, narcicistic souless beings that walk the planet. She went as far to accuse me of faking sick... WOW, how do you fake this, I must be in the wrong profession, because I must be the best actress on earth! I hesitate to share this with the world but it is the truth,and I am a truth speaker...let the chips fall... Before CD, I weighed 122 lbs, I was very active, I wasn't a jock or anything by any means, I just lived in the lovliest place on earth so I walked every where. The bank, for groceries, etc... Now, I way 181lbs. I've lost 25lbs since my treatments allow me to move more than before, even though I still sometimes push too hard and get exhausted. In any case, I went from being a recipient of the presidents award with an outstanding on my review to merely an exceeds expectations...which isn't exactly a bad review, but I am outstanding,and besides, it wasn't the mark on paper that got me, it was the hour and a half chastisment after she read off what she had marked on paper. She told me I had made myself invisible and insinuated that I had been faking sick. Perhaps one of the most humiliating days in my professional career, because after about an hour of her horrific, souless remarks, I was so angry the flood gates opened and I couldn't stop crying. I'm not a crier, I really only cry when my babies are hurt or I get really, really angry...as I did that day. She said that I had disengaged myself from my work last year...I said, "what part of the unreputable accomplishments on that paper indicate disengagement to you, in spite of this rare medical disorder that I have battled all year?"
    I could go on...but you get the point, she did this for an hour and a half and when it was done she set there with a self satisfied look on her face, she was satisfied with the demonstration of her power...she had put me in my place...not remembering all of the accomplishments that my staff and I had achieved, including saving the company $500,000.00 in tax liability, which is something four other departments had attempted, and failed, never before in our company's history was this project realized 100% success until I took it on... it's not enough, I'm not her cute little poodle anymore, I'm broken and worse yet, I'm fat...
    In her eyes that is... but you know what? I have only one thing to say about all of this...
    IN YOUR FACE BOSS LADY, CD DIDN'T BREAK ME AND NEITHER WILL YOU! I WILL FIGHT, I WILL WIN, AND MAY GOD HAVE MERCY ON YOUR SOUL THAT SOMETHING THIS HORRIFIC NEVER HAPPENS TO YOU BECAUSE KARMA COMES AROUND AND THE COMPASSION [OR LACK THERE OF] THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN WILL COME BACK WITH THE SAME MEASURE!!!!!!!!!

    Sorry Queeny, didn't mean to use your comment section as my soap box! Only meant to say, wake up sunshine...you can do this, it just feels crappy right now...

    Hugs, love and infinite wellness to you...
    Keke

    ReplyDelete

Subscribe to: Post Comments (Atom)