Monday, August 31, 2009

Saw my GP today. It was good to talk to her. she listens. she gave me some psych. names and changed my prozac that wasnt working at all. I hope that helps with the sadness. and she said I need to look at this as manageable just like many other diseases. Its so good to have someone actually hear you. I know she felt bad for me but she's trying all she can to help. Sleep being the biggest problem. I know what I am saying disturbs some people but I need to say things, so if it upsets you please dont read this. I know this is hard on you too. I off to bed to try and rest my neck seems like I spend a lot of time in bed now. I hope this Botox kicks in soon this is day 6...

Sunday, August 30, 2009

I am sending this out into the universe...why are the truly mean people allowed to live? where's the karma thats supposed to happen to people who are kind to others ? I was having a great day until I was spewn poison all over me over something stupid. Now all I do is shake and pull. I cant settle down I cant handle stress and meaness ...what do I do? My entire life has been surrounded by mean people, am I pulling them to me somehow? was I horrible in my last life? I know I only get one life but this one is rapidly going downhill! why doesnt the universe take care of these people? we cant do it! but we are forced to live on the same planet in the same space as they are! whats with that? I think the truly evil ones prey on the kinder ones because they know they can. and its not in our nature to fight back all the time. I have been them fighting all my life! Trying to protect myself, but its taking its toll...everything is an argument, why is that? all I want is peace.......

Saturday, August 29, 2009

Back on my feet today! All my grandbabies are starting pre school on Monday. Its sad to see them growing so fast! I want to keep them just as they are today! perfect little ones so sweet and loving! But time moves on and I cant stop it! But we are looking forward to our new baby Kyle coming in Nov, so we will have a little one to cuddle again! A baby born in our family every year since 2005. such blessings! Who could ask for more? My cup runneth over!

Friday, August 28, 2009

Im out of bed today yeah! Im still shaky but hopefully moving forward! This sucks! but Never Never Never Give Up! Winston Churchill... it worked for him! Thanks for all the support I really appreciate it!

Thursday, August 27, 2009

worse days ever. since yesterday at 4 Ive had the worst spasms. I hope this stuff works soon!

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Since I cant read any longer I have downloaded 3 books onto my iphone Thank God for technology! I am looking forward to listening tonight!
All went well today! Yea no pain just 7 little pricks. No not the ones in the waiting room LOL Meet the sweetest man in a wheelchair from a car accident. he was crying on the phone he didnt have the money for his shot, broke my heart so Kipp and I paid for him. We sat and talked and he helped me thru it, he helped me more than I helped him! So we were there for each other, each having what the other needed! How wonderful. Makes me realize there are al lot of poeple who need more than I do. I got to come home and sleep all day. Not many have that little luxury! Thanks to all your support Keke esp! I couldnt have gone thru this without your support! Love Shari
Well todays the big day. Im nervous. they moved my appt up tp 9:30. My family got together last night and had a nice talk about how we are going to deal with this as a familky. Taking the stress out of my life and having only positivity surround me as I go thru these treatments. I appreciated that. helped me feel less alone in this. we explained what it is without trying to scare them, my girls. They have their busy lives and I have been trying to protect them from this. They dont want to be protected, they want to know everything involved, even offering to come today for my shots. That was comforting. I know they cant do anything but listen, but thats enough for me. wish me luck! Thanks girls if you are sneaking a peek at this! Luv Mom

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Not bad today! I got stared at by some man in Target, but he was ugly so. so what! I have decided to go to some counseling at my church. maybe they can help. Ive had 2 bouts of the pity party. As my friend Terry says " there's no presents at the pity party!" so true! Dont want it to get worse...I dont know if they know how to deal with this kinda thing but maybe they can steer me in the right direction. Home alone today for the first time in a while. Cant really read or watch TV. I told my husband its like trying to read in severe turbulence! He's funny , he thinks he can hold it still for me. LOL at least he is making me laugh. Not much else he can do! Tuesday is looming fast. Amazing how time speeds up and slows down. Then I will get to the Dr and it will crawllllllll.......Im beginning to understand Michael Jacksons sleeping drug addiction. The only thing that matters is sleep! No one called me today except my daughter. Beginning to feel avoided. I feel another pity party coming on so I guess I will get busy doing something! Cya Shari

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Better today I think the answer is 10 hours sleep. Thats immoral isnt it? I was so down yesterday, all about being tired. Tuesday is Botox day getting very nervous! I hope I dont scream or anything. How undignified Maybe they have a screaming room in the back! I wonder if Kipp will come back. prob. not it would freak him out! I kinda hope they put me out, the neurosurgeon said they would. But this is the Neurologist doing it so who knows. But I am looking forward to being normal again, even for a while. Off to have my tea! Hope y'all have a good day...Me too Me Three! as my Joey says!

Friday, August 21, 2009

Today must be a sleeping day. woke up at 6:15 and still in bed. going to sleep now. Hope tomorrow is better! G'night
its 3 pm... im going to bed! If the dogs bark I will shoot them and no judge will convict me cause they are so horrible!!!! I am tired and even Dillards didnt help, well maybe a little...
Bad bad night Pushed too hard and paid for it! Fell asleep at 10 I was so tired, then the phone rings. That was it for the night. laid there til the meds kicked in, my head moving like a sprinkler head , jerking right to left. what do you do? Why do the meds take so long. It was 1 am before I fell asleep. Cant live like this for 30 years! How do people do this? Its like Chinese water torture! woke up at 4 ... took more meds wait an hour then up again at 8. Is this going to be my life forever? Im ready for the surgery bring it on! I will pay for it myself! Im only 2-3 months into this and Im going crazy! Im only allowed to go out 1 hour in the afternoon, then I have to be home? Going somewhere at night sends me into spasm land! I also have some numbness in the left side of my face this morning. anyone heard of that? Hopefully I just slept on it wrong. sorry to rant but this is getting to me. People say to stay positive. I am Im positive I hate this!!!! Hopefully I will have a better day! Shari

Thursday, August 20, 2009

Recognise the song??? I love it its from Bridget Jones Diary I

Wednesday, August 19, 2009

Its 4:45 in th afternoon. Im feeling pretty good today. Usually after babysitting Im worn out. Its all about the amount of sleep I get! Lots last night thanks to the drugs. I dont sleep at all without meds. I hate it but what else can I do? Looking forward to the Botox, like childbirth, you want to get it over with!!! Looking forward to reading again! The stillness is so important. I cant live without reading! Ive given up the one eye TV...I try not to look at all the websites except the informative ones. The rest scare me to death! My hubby yellls at me! Dont look at that stuff! This is as good as the blog gets, No fluffy stuff for me. Its all about the words! Hope y'all are having a good day too!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

Not a bad day. sore but slept in so I got some rest. My sister came over to mess with the blog. went to the bookstore to find some info on Dystonia. wasted trip. Hand is sore from all the digging yesterday at MRI... Its weird the pulling always starts around 3pm. I wonder why. I try to get home by then. Everyday day I drive by my friends house, her husband died at 49 from cancer so that jolts me out of my pity party. I also have 3 friends with cancer. I wonder why its all the women who are sick lately? are we just living longer this generation? My BFF is dealing with her Mom 's declining health. Dont want to bring everyone down. so I whine into inter -space! Husband is doing a pretty good job at being supportive, I didnt know how that would go at all. But its early yet. I still need that cheat sheet about taking advil with all this other stuff. Dr said to exercise, that sent me into massive pull for the rest of the day. x that. then got some yoga going. same thing. today I got a meditation tape. cant hurt myself too much with that!LOL maybe I will borrow Ash's Disney sing a long tape to cheer me up! Some day my prince will come! Im still trying to find the answer to sleeping. I can only sleep with meds to stop the shaking. Does the Botox stop that? I hope so! If you have any answers to that Its my biggest problem so far! Cya! Shari

Monday, August 17, 2009

MRI no@ today. not too bad except 35 minutes of digging for veins, I have none. Finaly got one tiny one in my hand to put the catheter valium thru. Got on the table, packed me all in , locked me down still movng, more Valium...then more valium then more valium, poor kids. Let me just say Valium stings in your hands!!!!! So they improvised. Nice sweet jason hekd my head down as hard as he could til his hands gave ut then put his head down on my forehead and held me down. He said I was a lesson learned. I must be the first one they have seen,,, What a sweet kid, He says he;s an MRI nerd. finds out if he's having a boy or girl tomorrow. Mom has cancer so they went ahead to have a a baby now. Nice young people at NSI in Winter Park.came home and Fell asleep for about 1 hr. now all the meds have worn off so Im waiting for them to kick in again, Im morphing into Michael Jackson. All I can say is this has to stop... lindsay has fixed my URL HTTP://sharisramblingsadystoniadiary.blogspot.cim I tried it it worked...
Rough night last night! Couldnt sleep. did way too much. I actually asked Kipp @ 1 am if I was sleeping in my clothes. Am I confused from the meds or exhaustion? Going back for another MRI today,=. Lets get this over with! I hate those things. and I
cant get this blog thing straightened out, not that anyone is reading it. My daughter tried but couldnt do it either. so your guess is as good as mine which page you will get! Like Roulette!I just dont have the patience! Family party was insane with all my grands running around! and 1 more coming! Emily loved her Nikon and now she can be a pro in journalism! Im looking thru my right eye... hard to type that way. Making lotsa typing mistakes sorry! Im staying home in my jammies today til I have to go to WP hospital. No food after 12 anyways no where to go for lunch...just me and the washing machine, a match made in Heaven. Thats a location also Sue! So long for now! Shari

Sunday, August 16, 2009

Did too much today! Shopped all day with Linz and then family party. I am Shaky Shari tonight! I have to learn to pace myself. Im soooo tired. took some meds and off to bed. The family didnt comment but I got shakier as the night went on. I try to control it but cant. Iwould love to lie down and rest but that makes it worse! what to do???? My daughter put this picture on for me today but lost my music. Whatever! Cya tomorrow!

Saturday, August 15, 2009

Had a great day at the Mall and back to school shopping for my boys. they grow so fast! Keeping busy, best thing to keep my mind off whats coming up. Thank God I dont know whats coming. Just an appt at the Neuro. he didnt mention the EMG so I dont know if thats his plan. Hurt every afternoon, take sonme advil. I better ask cause I dont know about the interactions. Dont want to do liver damage too! I need an MD...should have a guide ...what I can take with what! cheat sheet...Like the old Cliff Notes. Interestingly enough I have found out my nephew has a mild case of Tourettes blinking etc and my niece was blinking when she was small. Their Dr said they would both outgrow it. My niece did. But they are cousins not brother -sister...similar genetic problem in the family. I dont think I will outgrow mine! LOL family party tomorrow, the first time they have all seen me since I started shaking I wonder what they will say. Hopefully I wont pull too badly. That can freak people out! My kids dont say anything when it happens, I hope they aren't creeped out by me! I think its hard for them , it being genetic. very scary for their future. Too soon to talk about it though. I did tell my daughter it was very rare. dont want her to worry for herself and her boys...Hopefully have a good noght cya